If God is a DJ

Then life is a dance floor and you gotta shake your ASS!!

Yessss sir!

OMG! Everything is great right now. I have very supportive parents in my classroom. I have a class that is amazing. I am CSI Co-Chair and School improvement Training was AWESOME! I am Team Leader for my grade level and I am rocking that. My running is going along well and my social life is as well. My grandpa is coming FOR SURE in December and hopefully a friend will shortly follow. I have penpals set up in Florida for my class and soon I will have pen pals set up in Washington! Everything seems to be falling into place just perfectly.

You know how they say that it takes seven years for your body to completely recover from child birth? Well, I think that it takes about a year for your body (physically and emotionally) to recover from a move. It takes time to acclimate yourself to the weather, the people, the time, the routines, the shopping and the food. Once your body is acclimated everything will fall into place. And...here we are a year later and everything is falling into place. For awhile, I thought that this station was going to suck butt, but...I'm doing alright...excited, happy, and ready to keep building on to everything that is falling into the places that seem to fit.

I know that everything is going to be alright now. I know it. So, here I am shaking my ass because this is my dance floor and what else is there to do, but enjoy the music?

I want "this"!

I've made a decision.

A decision to change my life-to grow or rather shrink.

I've bought the shoes

I'm counting my miles.

I run through the sweat blended with tears

I am conquering my fears.

I can do this.

I want "this"

I track my progress

and though I may regress

I push through the pulls

and cry through the aches

I run to my limit

and I will not quit,

because,

I want this!

I'm giving it my all

even when I fall.

My mind has changed,

(though my body hasn't.)

I'm getting stronger by the step

(though it burns)

And by the drip of sweat.

I go fast,

I go slow,

but whatever I do,

I know...

I want this!

Whatever your "this" is-do it. Whatever you have to do to get there-do it. There is nothing that can make you more happy and more self-fulfilled than do your "this".

I am working toward running a marathon. It will take me awhile, but I know that I can do this. Now, the question is-what marathon. I don't just want to run any marathon, I want to run to make a difference because running has made a difference in my life. I may have to begin with a marathon just to finish a marathon. I planned on signing up for one in late february, but I want to be able to run a solid 1 1/2 miles before I sign up for a 10K. That way I know that I will finish!

I want to finish. I can finish.

Reflection

I have broken hearts,

healed tears.

I have moved demons,

touched love.

I have given.

I have lost.

I have won.

I have breathed.

Died.

Been tired...of it all.

I've been in love.

Out of love.

Had a broken heart

and a full one as well.

I've cried in the dark.

and in the bathroom shower stall.

I've watched shooting stars.

Prayed.

Watched a sunrise across an ocean

with the one I love.

I have watched the sunset.

Alone.

I've seen the universe with my eyes.

I live.

I learn.

I let go.

I pass on.

I overindulge-occasionally.

I dance. I sing. I love the blues.

I have a little black dress that looks hot.

I've had dinner by candlelight.

moonlight.

sunlight.

I've taken pictures.

Wrote songs.

Published poetry.

Drank wine.

Martini's and Margarita's (which I swear by).

I've fell in love on a first kiss.

Said good-bye to a first love.

Kissed somebody I've never met.

Married a dream come true.

I've been happy.

Sad.

On the brink of tears everyday.

I've laughed.

I've dreamed.

I've lived a life of pure joy.

I've held hands.

Played footsies and dug my toes in the white sand.

Went to homecoming with a looser.

Went to prom with a bigger looser, wishing it was somebody else.

I've sang kareoke and ate sushi.

Drove across the country (with a ferret in the backseat).

I've been to Rushmore.

Yellowstone.

And the Jack Daniels Distillery.

I've lived in Washington.

Michigan.

Florida.

Japan.

I've visited Canada, New York and California.

I've had children.

I am a mom.

I am a dad (when he's not here)

I am strong.

I am weak.

I am free.

I am tied.

I make choices-good and bad.

I forgive.

I forget (somethings).

I watch the moon move across the sky (many nights in a row).

I take sleeping pills at night.

Excedrine in the morning.

I chill easily.

I love the summer heat.

Hate tennis shoes; Love Heels!

I talk too fast when I am nervous or excited.

Talk too much when arguing.

Love Tim McGraw and Eminem (everything in between).

Hate chocolate cake, but love a hershey's bar.

Love skittles from the bottom of my heart.

Love fresh wildflowers. Daisies. Black-eyed Susan's.

Love dreams come true.

Love to make love by candlelight and on a beach, under the moon.

Airconditioning makes my skin itchy and dry.

Humidity makes my hair curly.

I have friends. Some I love, some I like; they are all my friends.

I get excited when he comes home early,

calls in the middle of the night,

or rubs my feet after a long day.

I've felt spoiled.

I've felt Cherished: like a princess.

Purple is my color of choice.

Creme Brulee is my guilty pleasure.

Ice cream is perfect on a sunny day

and works awesomely on the top of my head by a step brother.

I've had my head dipped in a toilet,

shoved into a cold shower,

and had a heart to heart with those that love me.

I've been shopping at midnight.

Partied at three a.m.

I've wrote love letters that could be novels

and tore them to pieces.

I've listened to a love song on repeat after a heart ache.

I've listened to our song on repeat after an argument.

Butterflies make me smile.

Dragon flies bring me peace.

Frogs are cute.

I am organized.

Bubbly.

and good with numbers.

I want to go to Kansas.

France.

and now Italy, India and Indonesia.

I've had a role model,

been a role model.

Wished I could be a model.

Wished I could hug a friend one last time

Wished I could turn back time.

Been glad to be here,

ready to leave, and

Don't want to go.

It's been nice to know you,

never again,

and Forever.

It's been time for laundry,

time for dinner,

ready for dessert.

Nice to meet you.

Handshakes, hugs, kisses.

Friends forever....best friends forever.

Presents. Laughs. Whispers in the kitchen over boiling stew.

It will be forever.

and ever.

(and ever.

Till hair goes gray

and men stop complaining...

Weeping willows.

v-tailed swallows. (or however that song goes))

Amen!

To My Friend: Whom I love Dearly (and miss incredibly)

I've started and deleted this post about six times this week, trying to find the perfect words for my July post. However, nothing really seemed to fit. Until. Tonight.

The last few nights I have taken the daughters down to the park after dinner to play because it is nice and cool, yet warm and summery. The evening air makes me think of somebody that I truly miss, from the bottom of my heart.

This person knows the sound of a really good drink on a summery evening: "Wine." No particular brand, she's open to anything--she's willing to try something new-she just knows it's good because it's wine.

This person can make something out of anything. Sshe would say, "Let's flamboy mac and cheese with ragu." Needless to say, it always turns out perfect. She has fun with the simple, which makes any moment with her fun.

She's into game nights (When the hubby's can manage to get the days off together (and even when they can't)).

She doesn't mind Monopoly in the middle of her living room floor with kids and dogs and cats crawling all over us.

She's kind.

She's sweet.

She's honest.

She's dedicated. (remember our walk to the BX.)

She's loving.

She'd do anything for anyone (and has!) Thank you!

She loves popcorn about as much as I do.

It saddens me to know that I can't spend tonight talking over wine with her. It saddens me to know that I cannot spend tomorrow night doing that either. However, the next glass of wine will be drank in her honor--I just wish it was on the water at Woody's with the summery air billowing around us.

The sound of my blog kind of sounds like a 'summer fling' and it kinda was. We were introduced around Christmas, hung out a couple times. When the summer hit we were hanging out often. We would go to the lake, to Woody's, I would go to her house, she would come to mine, and then we said good-bye-kind of at the end of summer.

I feel like I should enter: [Will I ever see my true love again?] right about now. But that is a silly question because I know I will! LOL!

Michelle, I miss you and I can't wait until we reunite again! Hopefully that will be soon! :)

Missing

Lately, I've lost many things. I've lost my house/car keys, which turned out to be in the trunk part of my van; I've lost pens, my ID, money, a child, but most importantly, I've lost my sweet, precious mind!

I have no clue where it went! I used to be this creative, artsy person that would spend hours writing, singing, scrapbooking, or sketching...now...I spend hours wiping butts, cleaning the kitchen, washing tables, clothes and other miscellaneous things.

So, I guess, the question is--How do I find me? Where do I begin to look? I am everything that I want to be-a teacher, a mom, a wife...but somehow, I've lost the heart of who I truly am. Where did it go? Is it lost among the paperwork and crumbs of last night's dinner? Is it strewn about over last year's date night? Was it forgotten on the beach in Florida, which is, where I remember the last place I was creative at?

Where is 'me'?

So, I guess it's now time to send out the milk carton ad of a missing girl. One that was once blonde (at least took the time to be blonde), one that adored getting nails/toes done, one that would write poetry, sing songs to her husband over dinner, dance with her children in the middle of the grocery store, one that didn't care about society--but rather appreciated it for what it was worth, the one who collected songs, made up her own, recorded her music on silly tape players, one that had dreams of writing a book, publishing her book and entering poetry contests, and the one that would keep "private" journals with her 'boyfriend' about all the things they could once do, but never did and frankly, probably never will. I am looking for the the one that swore that she wouldn't change who she was at heart to become what she dreamed to be...(and has become and has changed).

....so...if you find this creative, once full of life, bubbly girl--please send her my way. Maybe I can catch her and put her back where she belongs. I truly miss that girl. I do.

I think that my husband misses her too.

At home.

When we first came to Japan, I wasn't feelin' the love of our squadron. Our sponsor didn't show us around, we didn't even hear from our sponsor, it felt...lonely.

Well, I owe my husband's squadron the biggest thank you in the world!

I was put into urgent care Saturday night with a 103.9 fever, I was scared, the daughters were scared...so, I asked the doctor if he could call my husband's squadron and find somebody--anybody to take the girls for the night because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be there. I had four people show up to the urgent care! I had one person take the girls (which was awesome of her). One person stayed the whole time and brought me home.

When I came home, I noticed that my house was clean. The woman who took the girls had cleaned the whole entire kitchen and living room for me (it was in shambles just as I was). I cannot thank her enough...and I don't know how to thank her.

She kept the girls for as long as I needed her to. Sunday, I received so many phone calls asking if I was ok, Monday was the same way. I couldn't believe the support that I received from this squadron.

I guess it goes to show that when we are far away from home, everybody does step up and really, truly makes you feel at home.

Little Ones VS Typical People

I miss the life. The life of being human. Yes, technically, I am human...but not human as you, a typical person, would describe human. The ones that would decide to categorize me as human or robot are little ones. Little ones with creative minds that see the world through their video games and fantasy books. Little ones that eat candy, don't mind gum in their hair and love holes in their jeans. Little ones that write on their clothes to fit in and ask questions just to hear themselves talk. I miss being human as described by a "typical person" not by these little ones.

These little ones think, that me, because I am the teacher, live at school. As soon as the bell rings, I push a magical button and this house is magically built around me because apparently I never leave. The reason I say this is because when I am seen outside of the classroom...it's "Oh, MRS....OH...WOW! HI! MOM, IT's MRS...!" and the mom usually glares my direction OR shakes my hand and introduces herself. Lately, it's been the glare. LOL! (:

I miss being human because when I was human I was able to take the trash out in my sock monkey pajama shorts and an old high school t-shirt. Now, if I take the trash out in that kind of outfit (which I did tonight and it prompted this blog) I get a look like, "And you're teaching my kid...?" Yes! I am teaching your kid! Yes, I need to be comfortable too! Yes, I didn't plan on this, but this is the way that it worked out...soo...temporarily shove it until you can meet up with one of your gossip buddies to discuss my latest escapade... Right? *Rolls eyes and sighs*

As I think about it...I don't think I would mind being categorized as a "robot" or "whatever else" they may call me. In fact, I may stick with those descriptions, because, those little ones will not care if I take the trash out in my sock monkey jamma shorts-in fact, they will think it's cool (and probably ask where I bought them), they will think that singing the "Geometry Song" is awesome and not nerdy, AND, they think it's cool when they get gifts--even if it's a corny eraser.

I like these little ones and frankly, I can't wait until next year. It's the "typical people" that I am actually nervous and worried about....

World Traveler?

Back and forth to the states is not a world traveler? Oh...please tell my husband that! I want to go to Italy, Spain, Rome, France, Bahamas, HongKong, Tibet, Hiroshima, Pearl Harbor, The Great Wall...but, he seems to think that a vacation isn't supposed to be spent traveling by plane, but rather enjoying the area that you are in...HELLO! How do you expect to get there?

I wanna go, but he won't lemme go...gee, I really wanna travel...

They are Playing Her Song

My oldest daughter will be seven in two days! OMG! I can't believe it. She is such an amazing child. She is smart, gorgeous and full of life. What I love most about her is that she dances to her own tune. She seems to not care about what anybody thinks or says (even me to a degree). Every song is her song...she dances to everything and for everyone. She's blossomed from my little caterpillar to a lovely butterfly.

I think about everything that has passed the last seven years and how much and how far she's accomplished and come that I am nervous for the next seven. Seven more years she will be a teenager picking out the car she wants to drive when she turns sixteen...

In the next seven years she will be oogling over boys, fighting with her sister, arguing with her dad and I about make up and she will be successful in school, not because I want her to do all those, but because she wants to.

Over the next seven years, I will watch her learn how to use those wings that she's developed, I will watch her, someday, fly away.

Is what I hope for her above everything else is that she remains to dance to her own tune, making every song her song.

Thoughts of a (bad) mom:

The other day I 'snuck' my child into daycare. What? Yes, snuck my child into daycare. She had a fever and I knew it, but I brought her to daycare anyways (the moms out there are going to hate me because I am one of "those" moms). I had no other choice. There was really nothing wrong with her, except a fever and a slight, clear runny nose. Nothing to complain about...nothing that kept her awake at night. I thought I could get away with it.

The hubs is on a weird schedule because of extremely high workflow and they already gave him one day off, and I had taken two days off that week already. Now, if it was a job that I had completely secure, it really wouldn't be a big deal, but I am a fill-in for a teacher who had left in the middle of the year, and I am looking for a job next year. So, I really feel like I need to kiss some booty to secure a position.

Was it wrong? Yes. Am I sorry? No. I am not sorry because there are other moms that have done and would do the same thing in my predicament (how many kids do you see at the daycare will slimy green runny noses)? How many times do you walk into that daycare hoping that your child decides not to play with another child for that day? I am sure many times.

So, my week looked like this:

Monday-off, Tuesday--off, Wednesday--on, Thursday--on, Friday--off.

Wednesday my husband had off and so he watched my child. Thursday was the day that I snuck her to daycare (it worked until the last hour or so and they called me). Since I was worried about this fever that has lasted a week, I took her into the Urgent Care--they couldn't figure it out. So today is Friday at 5:00 pm exactly and my child is sleeping on the couch with a fever. She has slept a total of 6 hours today...

The question is: Will she sleep tonight?

Temporarily I am a bad mom. Will I do this again? Possibly, and I will call myself a bad mom again, but I will not be sorry for it because we all are bad moms at least once in our parenthood.

Please do your part:

Sweetie, Please accomplish the following:

1)Move old desk to basement.

2)Hang flat screen TV in Girls' room using the new TV mount.

3)Bring dumpster find TV to basement.

4)Move bunk bed to small wall.

5) Make headboard for our bed.

6)Work on Laundry

My To Do List:

1)Move old desk to basement. (the damn thing is too heavy for it to be on my list)

2)Hang flat screen TV in Girls' room using the new TV mount. (Tried this, but all the anchors fell through the wall...maybe I did it wrong?)

3)Bring dumpster find TV to basement. (Tried this, dropped the TV...oops, too heavy).

4)Move bunk bed to small wall. (Check)

5) Make headboard for our bed. (still not done...humm...do you think he might be more inclined to babysit so I can go do this?)

6)Work on Laundry (check)

Dear Husband,

When I do the things that are on your list, I screw them up. I put them on your list so that way you can do them right...the first time. The things I put on your list need your big, strong, buff arms to accomplish them...or...they end up broken in the middle of the apartment building with kids staring at me, thinking, "Why didn't you just have your husband do it?" I ask you for a reason. Not so you can forget it. Not so I can end up doing it myself. But because I need you to do these things for me, my loving, strong, husband.

Love,

Your Wife.

Welcome

Welcome to the Thought of One Who...

Is Strong?

Is Brave?

Is Sweet?

Is Cute?

Is A Mother?

Is A Teacher?

Is a Wife?

Is A trendsetter?

Is A trend breaker?

Is A Lover?

Is A Hater?

Is A Writer?

Is A Singer?

Is A Dancer?

Is A Friend?

Is A Child?

Is A Granddaughter?

Is Selfish?

Is a Lost Soul?

These are all adjectives that can describe who I am. You make the call. You are the one that is judging right? You are all judging, weather you claim to or not, I just call you out on it.

I try to be the positive, but sometimes I am the negative. You are too, right? We all can't be the positive all the time. We all have heartache and heartbreak, we all have woes and sorrows. But, hopefully, those happiness and giggles outweigh the woes and sorrows.

I am married. I have two kids. I am simple. I try to be. Sometimes, I am complicated, I am woman...there is bound to be confusion and complication. It's obvious. If there wasn't, then I would be man and men stink...literally.

We are a dual income household. Yes, I am the mom who puts her children in daycare. Well, only one child...the other goes to school. I see nothing wrong with it. I didn't spend $65,000 on school to stay at home and clean house. I paid $65,000 on school so I can do what I love...Teach and buy my husband nice things (well, lately I've been a little selfish on that). Besides that, my daughter loves going to daycare. She had friends and a good teacher and she is learning so much. Yes, I could be the one that was teaching her and I wish I was, trust me, but somehow, I don't know if that would work out.

My husband and I have a great marriage. I complain and he tries and makes me stop. Actually no. We are very happy. We have a very balanced marriage. A very balanced relationship and I love everything about him and I love everything about the way that we are. We are like (excuse the metaphor) "Two peas in a pod." And I love it! We will be married for 8 years in November (the time has flown by)! He is still my best friend, my lover and my soul mate.

So, welcome to the thoughts of one who is...everything and more or less...I am just here; merely a body in existence waiting for the next step to float by. Everyday I try and everyday I learn. We all can't be perfect nor can we claim.

Please enjoy.

Signed,

"The One Who..."